i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
