Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I will be naked everywhere
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
