he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm too high and old for this...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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