i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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