What did we do last night that was yellow?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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