You just made me feel so damn special
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
