Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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