DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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