remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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