ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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