Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
