): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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