porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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