I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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