i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
