wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
