The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
