her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
