exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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