Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
