yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
