After last night, I could never be a politician.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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