I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
