is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
