Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
