she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
