We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
