When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
