So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
