Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
