I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
no you cant smoke seaweed
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You ruined the universe
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
