if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
