So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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