I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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