I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
