just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
