i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sorry about my life...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
