You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
