I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
