I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
