That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
