I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
