I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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