I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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