9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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