I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
