Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
