Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
