It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Ladies don't puke and tell
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
