Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
