so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
