he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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