things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
