Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
