Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
