The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
