If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
